Subject: re: Hello it’s Anna
Date: Thurs, 23 Mar 2000
I wish I could hear from you every day. I get this intense feeling of anxiety as I wait for your email to appear in my inbox. Two or three days can often feel like weeks! But I do see you wherever I find myself walking. Upon the flowers’ brightest petals, even on book covers and in the reflections in shop windows. I see you on the bus, too, and I do a double-take just to make sure I know what it is—who it is—that’s really sitting there only a few seats away. It’s never you, of course. But I imagine you often.
I wish I could bring you here to Smyrna right now. Today. Tonight. But I think we’re growing stronger, more in love, the longer we are made to wait. Still, I do find it difficult to open my email and not find you there. I’m sorry, but I suppose I’m just impatient. Anxiety, like I said. Do you ever feel a sense of anxiety? I wonder sometimes how you must react in certain situations. I picture you as being very strong, but perhaps sometimes you need someone there for you? I hope to always be there for you.
I had your picture taped to my computer at work, but I think others around me were jealous so I took it down. Or maybe they just don’t understand how much I could love someone so far away. I put your picture in my desk drawer because I like knowing you’re right there.
I can’t wait for the day when I can finally hold you for real.